What It Really Means to Be Regulated (And How to Recognize When You’re Not)

Lately, we’re hearing more and more about “nervous system regulation.” It’s become one of those phrases that gets tossed around — especially in wellness spaces, schools, and performance programs. But few people pause to ask: What does being regulated actually mean?

For me, regulation has become the quiet foundation beneath everything — my breathwork practice, my parenting, my ability to lead, connect, and respond instead of react. It’s not about staying calm all the time. It’s about building a relationship with your nervous system that lets you move through life with more awareness and grace.

Here’s what I’ve learned about what it really means to be regulated.

Regulation Is the Foundation, Not the Finish Line

Being “regulated” isn’t a permanent state of calm or composure.
It’s the ability to come back to center when life pulls you away from it.

Your nervous system is built to fluctuate — activation isn’t failure; it’s information. Regulation simply means you have the tools, awareness, and capacity to move through that activation and return to safety.

When we stop chasing calm and start cultivating capacity, we begin to experience regulation as resilience.

Regulation Isn’t Suppression — It’s Integration

Many of us learned that being “in control” meant not showing emotion — holding it together at all costs. But true regulation doesn’t silence emotion; it makes space for it.

It’s allowing the full range of your human experience — joy, fear, frustration, excitement — without being hijacked by any of it.

That’s where breathwork comes in. Breath becomes the bridge between emotion and embodiment. It lets us move through what we feel rather than getting stuck inside it.

Breath: The Anchor That Makes Regulation Possible

The breath is the most immediate access point to our nervous system.

When we intentionally change our breath, we change our state.
A slower, steadier exhale signals safety. A rhythmic breath invites focus.

Breathwork isn’t just a tool — it’s a training ground.
Each intentional breath builds awareness, teaching your body that calm is not something you must earn — it’s something always available to return to.

Presence: The Feedback Loop

Regulation starts with noticing.

Presence allows us to feel when we’re activated — the racing heart, the clenched jaw, the mind that won’t stop. Without that awareness, we move through life on autopilot. With it, we can pause and choose differently.

So much of our modern world teaches us to outsource our regulation — to rely on trackers, apps, and devices to tell us how we feel. But when we learn to listen inward instead of outward, we begin to rebuild a powerful connection back to ourselves.

We start to notice the subtle cues — when our breath shortens, when our energy drops, when we need stillness or release. And as we rebuild that trust, we realize we already know exactly what we need. Our bodies have been communicating it all along.

Presence is what helps us say: “I’m dysregulated right now, and I know how to support myself.”
That awareness alone is transformation.

Gratitude: The Ground Beneath Regulation

In my work through The Motion of Gratitude®, gratitude isn’t just a mindset — it’s a physiological shift.

When we connect to gratitude, we soften. The body feels safe enough to relax. The nervous system recalibrates.
It’s not bypassing discomfort; it’s creating space for balance within it.

Gratitude becomes the soil where regulation takes root.

Regulation Is a Practice — Not a Moment

Regulation isn’t something that happens in a single breathwork session. It’s something that deepens over time.

Each time you choose awareness over autopilot, you strengthen your capacity. Each time you return to your breath instead of your reaction, you expand your window of tolerance.

Over time, you realize:
Regulation isn’t something you do.
It’s something you become.

If You’re on This Journey

Start by noticing what your body is telling you.
Use your breath as your anchor.
Let gratitude ground you in what’s real.
And remember — you don’t have to be perfectly calm to be regulated.
You just have to be willing to return.

About the Author

Shannon Missimer is the founder of The Motion of Gratitude®, a holistic well-being and personal growth company helping individuals, families, and organizations cultivate presence, resilience, and conscious connection through breathwork and gratitude-based practices.

She’s a certified Breathwork and Performance Coach, trauma-aware facilitator, and host of The Motion of Gratitude Podcast, where she explores what it means to live, love, and lead with intention.

Explore Shannon’s guided breathwork sessions, courses, and community at themotionofgratitude.com.